Again it is that part of the day
and that point in life when you feel like doing nothing, not even existing.
Whole bunch of festivities,
colours, light, fun and frolic is around you but these fail to please you. You
feel utterly helpless and hopeless. And to add to the agony, there is untimely
rains. To sum up, you feel odd, ugly, old and out of place. Absolutely nothing
interests you, not even the sleep. You just want to cry out loud and pour out
that venom you have been holding for long. Fuck the world…who cares anyway?
This tingling feeling has been
stinking so badly, that now it has become identical to you. You just want to
run away, bury that, kill it and overpower it anyway. It is taking toll of
every single thing you do or you say. It is as if that Black Dog is coming back
to haunt you, tear you apart and squeeze life out of you. And this feeling is
becoming recurrent in nature. It has drastically reduced your attention span. You
cannot keep yourself engaged even for 10 minutes. You are fast losing interest
in everything around you.
Just look at you! You have become
so weak and impaired that you constantly need something, someone by your side
to make yourself realise what you can do and who you are. You are privileged to
have such people around you who make you feel wanted, loved for and cared for. But
for how long? Even that has some limit. These are by default good people. They
are going to be there for you. They want to bring best in you. But don’t you think
you are trying their patience?
It is not that you do not trust
them. In fact you trust them more than you trust yourself. Problem is you fail
miserably to trust what they say about you. And it is not that you disagree
with them on what they tell you about yourself. Deep down you too have known
yourself and your analysis of yourself matches with them. You just fail to believe
in yourself. These people show undying faith and belief in you and you fail to
do the same to yourself. And this makes no sense.
HE was right when he said, “Your problem
is within you. You are fighting inside yourself with your own-self. Sort that
and you will do wonders! Problem is not that you are capable of thinking,
problem is you overdo that. You think of people, situations and outcome. And
not just think, you overthink! Stop doing that. You are in your prime time of
your life; you are playing your prime overs. You are capable of doing great things in life
but all you are doing is overthinking and by doing this you are killing that
part in you which is your core, your identity.”
That was an eye-opener. He put so much of his effort and valuable time to convince you this. Someone
had to show you that mirror. And again this brings you back to where you
started. You know what your problem is,
you know what solutions are, you know what you should be doing but you just
like to be that stone…..that stone which lay as it has been since ages, wearing
away atom by atom and doing nothing. It is evident enough to show that you are
not at peace with you; you are not comfortable in your own skin. You are not
able to confront it and so you are running away from.
What should be done to tackle
this is for you to decide. No one has panacea for it. Dig it little deeper may
be you will find what you are looking for. Face it gracefully. You have been in this place before too, been there done that. Just don’t expect that every time you are in
this shit, someone will come to rescue you. No one can ever help you in this. You
have to liberate yourself from this and just believe that you can withstand
this as well.
This too shall pass. Stay strong, you got this!
राही का तो काम है, चलता ही जाये!
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