WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY 2021

 

Every year, worldwide 10^th of October is commemorated as “World Mental Health Day”. This year’s theme for this day is “Mental Health in an unequal world”. Reason to have such day is to promote mental health as well as create public awareness about mental health issues.

With pandemic setting in, scary lockdowns and its aftermath, buzz around “Mental Health” has become all the more relevant. Honestly, it is good to see people taking keen interest to know more about how they can be healthy mentally. Lots of mental health issues are also been taken up in main-stream discussions. The more we openly discuss about mental health, the better we will be equipped to cope up with issues arising therein.

This year, I got an opportunity to attend a programme organised by a renowned Psycho-therapist and Counsellor Adv. Anisha Phansalkar Ma’am. I got to become a part of group wherein participants came from various walks of life. Initially I thought it to be a very formal and scripted discussion. However, it turned out to be otherwise. It was an informal, friendly discussion wherein I got to learn and unlearn a lot. Each one had an inspiring story; each one had displayed strong mettle by overcoming adversities they faced in their lives. Indeed in an unequal world, their struggles, their fighting spirit, never-give-up approach towards life is something I will consciously try to imbibe in myself.

We started with “name & its meaning” activity wherein each one told their name and its meaning. This activity was to highlight whether your name given to you by your parents/ family, goes with the “your” purpose in life. It was indeed a thought-provoking activity. Anisha Ma’am was curating this session. She rightly mentioned, to earn a name for yourself, you have to work towards your purpose of life; you have to start by living for yourself.

Our name is our identity, so is our purpose or what we do. We always endeavour to make others happy; many a times “others” i.e. anyone and everyone else than our own-self are our priority. We live for “them”, but not for ourselves. There is nothing wrong in it. In fact it underlines how much we value others, do for others (including our families, friends etc.) unconditionally.

However, in all this we forget to look after our own-selves. We forget that happiness is something that is not just to be given but also to be taken. Aren’t you also the factor contributing to the “unequal world”? Where are “YOU” in all this?

Everything in your life starts with you. Unless and until you are strong, happy yourself first, can you really make others so? Yes, you endeavour to do so, but at the cost of your own health and wellbeing. Even if it is mentally and emotionally taxing, you still keep pushing in the hope that things will get better. To keep going is not a bad thing, but to the extent that it breaks you down inside is indeed not good. It is therefore essential to mentally empower yourself first.

Anisha Ma’am introduced one simple yet powerful concept for this. She told, to empower yourself mentally you need to clean the trash that you put in your head. You have to do “मानसिक अंघोळ” or mental cleansing for cleaning your mind just like you bathe daily. 

You do this by having a positive self-talk. You have a choice always – it is up to you what you choose. When faced with hurdle/ adversity do you choose to give up or stay back and face it? Do you blame others for your situation or take up responsibility for your action/ inaction? Do you get bothered by what someone has said to you? Do you really understand yourself? Once you start thinking on this daily, you will start cleansing your mind. Gradually that will make you mentally strong.

You have to work on yourself first. And this is not a one-time activity; it is a continuous one that warrants consistency. Don’t leave it at the whims of your mood. A conscious and deliberate effort towards your own self is required. Pay attention to yourself. Love yourself, allot some time for yourself, and yes that is not going to make you selfish in any way.

To be strong and mentally empowering means to learn to accept the situation first and then act accordingly on it. It means to choose to respond and not to react. It means to ready ourselves for whatsoever adversities, challenges life throws at us. That big “O” which life throws is way is not actually the “Obstacle”, it is in fact the “Opportunity” that helps you grow as a person. To learn to face it and internalize the very fact that life is not going to be rosy and a cake walk all the time will develop your acceptance to what life has to offer.

Our head represents “Head-quarter” of ourselves in which resides our mind. And when we “MIND OURSELVES FIRST”,we will be in a better position to mind others and help them out. This year, make a promise to yourself to take a good care of self physically as well as mentally. Treat and consider yourself equal in terms of time, care, love, attention that you give to others. Change starts with YOU!

Did I ask you?

Yesterday I received a text from one of my friend that said "Sad fact of life :- you can run miles for your people and they are like "did I ask you to run for me?" True and relatable, I said. 

It is so true that some people do take you for granted. So much so that they cease to be grateful. Moreover, they are gripped by the sense of entitlement. It is then that they expect you to do things, despite how much taxing it may get for you.

Just to catch up with that person for 5 minutes, you plan so much. Sacrifice your sleep, get up early, skip breakfast, lie to your parents and what not. And after this, during that 5 minutes meet, that person pours out rant on you. Treats you like you are unimportant, as if you are a garbage bin, as if you have to be there when they want, like its your prime and foremost purpose of your life. When you express, this person mocks you for being sensitive, invalidates your emotions by saying 'its OK. It happens. Move on'...

This makes you question yourself. You doubt your own feelings, your own thoughts. And whenever you try to open and tell what all you are going through or what all you did for that person, you are replied with 'Did I ask you to do so?' More hurtful is 'So what?' 'If you wanted to boast what you did, why did you do it in first place?'

Your heart is shattered to pieces especially when such person is from your close circle or so-called support system. It can be your friend, spouse, love-interest, parents, siblings, kids...It feels like someone has stabbed you in heart. This happens because you never had expected this person to say or behave or reciprocate like this. It is like a slap on your face. You are stunned, shocked and it is hard for you to process the reality. It is true, words are powerful than actual weapon..

You bleed but no ones sees it and therefore healing takes time. You start doubting yourself that, was this person really worth investing your emotions and time? You were always there for them at a drop of a hat. And you do this out of pure love. And yes it is 'your' fault for loving and having expectations. And it is your fault for running behind wrong people.

Better run behind your own well-being. Invest in yourself in your own emotional, physical and mental health. No doubt we are social beings and need other humans for our own physical, mental and emotional needs, but you got to set some healthy boundaries. You need to speak up. Don't allow anyone to treat you badly or as if you are a trash bag to puke in. Don't allow people howsoever close they be, to take you for granted. You too should not take anyone for granted. Respect yourself, respect one's time. Be strong, hold no grudges, learn and move on!

A page from "his" diary!

 24.12.2020

Thursday

It was a day I had an epiphany of sorts. It was a day I will fondly remember for a long long time. It was a day where a random chain of events led to something beautiful- a baby girl! Let me walk you through. We (Priyanka, Swati, Nilanshu and I) headed to the Musahar tola of Jagdishpur. I had always wanted to work with this community, since it is the most deprived community, called as “Dalits among Dalits”. This tola was outside the village, a typical form of residential segregation practiced against Dalits.

We stopped our vehicle on the road and crossed a few fields to reach the housing area. As we were walking through the fields we were discussing about the need for approach road. Little did we know, what was to come next just underlined our discussion.

As we neared the first house, one could see the lack of sanitation. The houses were dilapidated. As we moved and reached the first house, we requested the people to gather for a meeting. A family member told us he couldn’t come since his wife is unwell and he was waiting for a vehicle. There was a lack of clarity about this situation. Next, we called other villagers and requested for a meeting.

However, Swati realized, something was amiss. We went to the first house and again had a look at the woman who was unwell. Actually, she wasn’t unwell, she was in labor. Her husband said he had called for a vehicle from the village to take her to the hospital. But it hadn’t reached since 2 hours. He also called a local ‘practitioner’.

However, soon we realized that they were not taking the pregnant lady to the hospital since they did not have money for the transport. They did not even have the money to pay for the medicines, if required, at the government hospital. So they called the local practitioner since he takes money after 5-10 days for the delivery. Imagine a women being denied institutional delivery owing to lack of money! This happens, happens often.

One might say there are “n” number of schemes for institutional delivery at government hospital. This is where my friend, we understand the difference between the field and paper. On enquiring we were told that the ASHA hadn’t responded and the hospital ambulance wasn’t working. However, for us it was a pressure cooker situation.

We could not turn a blind eye to the plight of this lady. We had to take a call and take it quickly. The woman was in labor and I hadn’t seen anything like that in my life. We offered our vehicle to the family to go to the govt. hospital. However, they were skeptical. They did not have Aadhar, the child birth wasn’t intimated to ASHA and of course they thought they had to pay at the hospital. They had no money at all.

Till the time the decision was reached the practitioner arrived. He did not have any medical equipment apart from some homeopathic drops. He did not even check the lady.

We called our driver back who had headed to have breakfast. However, there was a delay in the decision making as well. Her family members were still not sure about whether to take her to the hospital. We said that our vehicle will arrive and if you want you can take it for free. Further, it was your decision. That lady’s husband had panicked as well and he couldn’t even tell us his mobile number. Finally they asked us for the vehicle.

That pregnant lady crossed three to four fields on foot to reach the vehicle. She was in labor! She just had one lady accompanying her. Later with much delay her husband and then the mother in law joined.

And then it was a race against time. The PHC was 5kms away. But it felt like million light years away. We were shouting at vehicles to get out of the way throughout those 5 kms. The lady was yelling in pain. I guess she was saying I am dying. I was asking the driver to hurry up. Swati was honking! We had to make it to the hospital in time. There was no other option. Luckily, we made it in time to CHC, Sikandara.

They did not take her on the stretcher. She walked. Meanwhile, I rushed to the physician and told him a lady was in labor. He shouted at me “Agar labor pain nahi hoga to bacha kaise hoga, ajeeb aadmi hai budbak! Tumhein dard ho raha hai kya?”

At that time I did not know deliveries are done by ANM. However, since we were from the sanstha, we were entertained. The nurse/ ANM was cordial. She explained to us that the lady (let’s call her Devika) will be administered Antifortin. If there is pain relief she can go, else she will give birth.

Since it wasn’t available in the hospital we had to buy it. In the meantime Priyanka and Nilanshu arrived with masks and money. It was a relief to see them again! After they came, we went out to have some samosa. As we returned, Nilanshu said it was a false alarm, there was no delivery.

Then we were buying some cold drinks and snacks at the hospital gate. All of a sudden, Devika’s husband came and tapped me on the shoulder. He said ‘ho gaya’. I thought that the check-up was over. I still asked, ‘kya hua?’ He said, ‘ladki hua!’

Moments like these are rare in life, that moment was really special. It was not my child. I did not know the parents either. But I was overjoyed. It was surreal. I can’t put what I felt in words, because it was beyond words.

On reaching the hospital I saw a 2.435 kgs angel. Tiniest human being I have ever seen! She was all pink, with her tiny fingers and nano eyes. She is by far the most beautiful girl I have ever seen! This little angel reaffirmed my faith in my work.

Now I know I want to keep doing this for the rest of my life. Money can wait. Satisfaction is real. My little princess gave me a new lease of life for which I will be eternally grateful! I am indebted to that unknown, tiny, 2 day old!!!

(PS - I have not written this. I have stolen this write-up from my dear friend SaKa's diary! Couldn't resist to share the amazing work done by him and his team! Kudos & Cheers SaKa & Team)