Vested Interest

In one of our sessions, we were asked to draw a “Worry Tree”. Intention behind this activity was to help us make aware of our own inhibitions/ emotions and acknowledge them. It is only when you acknowledge something, you can accept it and move on.

One of the leaves on my “worry tree” was “vested interest”. I still remember the string of past & present experiences relating to it and that got my heart racing. I felt miserable and vulnerable. That led to guilt & I got angry on myself. It was a whole ride on volatile emotions. I tasted all flavours. It however, afforded me the valuable time to reflect on things more objectively.

Coming back, vested interest is an interest one has into other till his/ her needs are satisfied/ met. It is something one holds till the time that other person does something which benefits this person or abstains from doing something that is detrimental to this person. Once that other person cease to do it, this person loses her/ his interest and just go off her/ his way.

This phenomenon is not uncommon in businesses, job markets or professional lives. Example – any employer is always ready to hire cheap yet hard working labour. I have seen professionals dying to employ/ avail services of those who are ready work on meagre pay. There is nothing wrong to go for affordable/ reasonable labour. Problem happens when one just pay nuts despite having enough to pay. And problem gets compounded when such labour has no voice and cannot stand for its own demand and rights. This is more than enough to damage the self-worth of a hard working person. If such person speaks out, shrewd businessperson/ employer will lose interest in this person and start searching for replacement. Everyone, at some point of time has been through this.

If you give a closer look, you will realise, you have been through this in your personal lives as well. Those friends, who came to you for helping them with their assignments because you were always very particular and on time with yours; those colleagues who made friends with you just to use you as connecting link to their crush; those creatures who call/ text, plan a meet with you only because their other friends are busy and the list goes on. You are sweet, apple of an eye till the time you speak their language. The moment you take slightly different trajectory, you are profane.

We all have experienced this, more so during the lockdown. Lockdown was one hell of an eye opener. You had seen sudden spike in you calls, videos, texts and that sudden urge to meet up and those endless plans of doing this, that and what not when this lockdown ends. Suddenly everyone were being human, being considerate, being lovely, and being kind and nice. But fake things cannot go on for long, because there is a limit to pretend things.

As the time passed by, all the facades came down crashing. Mask helped unmask real faces, if I may say so. You could see ghosting, abrupt end in communication/ contact. Everything is going great at one moment and the very next moment is ugly, weird and painful. You realise every-single-person has her/ his vested interest.

You feel used. You feel like an option to resort when there is no other option. Excruciating pain at mental and emotional level – no any visible wound, just silent hopeless screams for help! You are being used as an inland for the lost ones, resting place for tired ones, option just to somehow pass the time. Never be that person ever.

Key lies in understanding your own-self first. Don’t let in trash people has to offer, because everyone has vested interest (though it is a default setting) howsoever they may claim to be in love with you or care for you. I am not suggesting being selfish or self-centred but one has to have self-awareness. You got to put yourself first in scheme of things. No one anyway gives a shit if you are alive or dead. Better make yourself a priority and work towards self-improvement. Find out your own interests; if there are none, try to imbibe new ones. Try to connect with yourself. After all self-help is the best help!

Homeless!

Home is everywhere.

Yes it is...In a form of relations that we make. And not necessarily it has to be blood relations!

These relations we make, are living homes.

Instant comfort, instant relief, instant safety, instant happiness is what you get. Your worries disappear, your smiles multiply.

These homes make this ruthless life better and bearable. They may not reduce the challenges that you are bound to face, but they certainly strengthen you by making you ready to face them by giving you courage.

And that is what you need to sustain. That is what makes you human.

But time sometimes put these homes to test...and you can see homes getting destroyed, these come crashing down and the pain is unbearable...everything is intangible.

No one except you can see it, feel it and that makes it hard to express let alone acknowledge...recovery is all the more harder.

No JCB can help gather or clear away debries..no any way out to make repairs...no any dog to sniff out you.

You are just lying there, gasping for breath, thinking what and where it went wrong. And why me?

But things don't happen overnight. These homes do drop subtle hints that they are done...and not necessarily that you are at fault always..it may be that they have found their own home somewhere else, you were just an option who was discarded after its utility was over...

You cannot be the only one fighting to save it. There is no point in having homes where there is no reciprocity. You cannot always carry the burden to keep alive that home.

Either way if only that table is open, you wonder.

Table where these homes meet and speak their hearts out without judging or without any prejudices and biases....yes it will hurt but at least you sit and try to talk and sort.

If even that doesn't help it is fine. Efforts were made to mend the things. That kind of parting away won't be that painful. Worst of all is ghosting.

One fine day you wake to find yourself homeless..someone dumped you, someone is being stranger, someone is being passive aggresive..it is all the more painful if it is 'your' home..and it hurts because you are not afforded any chance to comprehend what happened, where and what went wrong.

Either way being homeless is the worst punishment and no one deserves to be homeless. And Pandemic has rendered many homeless.