“Bloody” Scientific!

“Oh Honey! I cannot come this time for Ganapati at your place. You know the monthlies ….Sorry. See you later. Bye” and she hung the call. I was appalled to hear these words from her, more so, because I thought her to be a modern girl.

Yes, she is modern. She wears the clothes of “her” choosing. She goes out whenever “she” wants to, hangs out with her guy friends in pubs, uses every available social media platform, is supportive of LGBT community even encourages Live-in relationship. This made me think that she is modern in true sense, not just in her lifestyle but in her thoughts as well.

So when I heard these words from her, I could not take it well. I mean how one can think like that. I came home and told my Mom about this. I told her that my dear friend is not coming at our place for Ganapati because she is on her periods.

Periods, menses, chums, birthday, monthlies, ladies’ curse etc. are just other names for menstruation. It is nothing but a regular discharge of blood and mucosal tissue from the inner lining of the uterus through the vagina. It usually indicates puberty in females and continues till menopause. Bleeding happens within cycle of 21 to 31 days. It is “bloody” scientific, natural and as simple as that. Why to make big fuss about it???

I asked my Mom the same and she was like, “This is how we girls, women are raised and cultured in our Indian Society. I know this is wrong. But you really can’t do much about it.” I pondered over it.

In our culture, with menses come more and more restrictions on a girl. Every single act of yours is monitored. And every damn thing is restricted in the name of God, religion and customs. Let alone temple, you are not even allowed to visit your own kitchen; no worship only hardships. Also you are made to sit, eat and sleep separately. You are treated as “untouchable” in your own house. And this makes no sense to me. Trust me, I have personally never suffered this but I have observed these things happening with my friends and even with my cousins.  

Oh look how fool I am! I forgot we are not a society who thinks rationally or “scientifically” but one which thinks “religiously” emotionally. But even then it makes zero sense to me. What is wrong with this society and the people and even with the females who support all this non-sense shit?

I tried my best to rationalize this behavior and these customs. I could conclude that back then when no good quality hygienic tools were available, such kind of “untouchability” was still justified. But now when better hygienic options like sanitary pads, tampons, menstrual cups are available, now when we have relatively more liberty to do things, even then why do we have to cling to these out-dated customs and shitty ideas surrounding the menses. Yes, shitty ideas, because so called liberal religions term menses to be “profane”, “bad”, “impure”.

It is such an insane thing to call menses as impure. Under this garb of impurity, society has systematically discriminated its women; moreover has been successful in imbibing that menses are something bad and profane. THIS IS ALL NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHITTY STUFF! I can never buy this idea. And if my custom, my religion asks me to do as it says, I am glad to unfollow it.

But then I cannot blame women for this understanding or thinking they have about menses. They are part of this “scientifically backward” and “superstitiously modern” society. They are rarely given education about it. Only moms, aunties, elder sisters, grandmas in the house are supposed to teach the young girl in the house about menses and that too when she gets one (not prior to that)! It really makes no sense.  By doing this, the topic of menses has been made taboo not just in house but also in society.

I was lucky, in this regard. When I was 12 or 13 years old, it was my Dad who made me understand what menses are in a scientific way. He also spoke about biological, psychological and physiological changes that were bound to happen in me. He made sure I was ready for it. And when I got my first menses, he was the one to get me pads. There is nothing to be ashamed of, he said. That is how my parents raised me.

I was once told by someone that you are not supposed to go temples, worship and all during menses. And I purposefully did all that stuff while on menses. I wanted to see what might possibly go wrong and I was also waiting to see if any God punish me. But nothing like that happened. (Hence proved, those shitty customs were just to subjugate females.)

I know things take time to change. But on this particular aspect, am unable to see any substantial improvement. Foremost important thing is, to change mind-set. One needs to understand that menses are natural process. They are the bodily scientific mechanism and no curse. And yes, no Holy God punishes you for having menses. After all it is Mother Nature who has made us like that. Why to feel ashamed of it.

I personally find menses to be indicator of proper, healthy functioning body. Many times I tried speaking on the topic with my sisters, friends. One thing I have observed, my guy friends find nothing unusual about it. It is my female friends who find this topic to be “awkward”, “taboo”. This way, nothing is going to change. And I want all these friends and sisters to understand that if change has to happen, it has to start from self.

I want them to understand and convince their own-self that menstruation is no bad thing. It is natural. Yes it is okay to bleed. Unfollow and break those customs/ traditions which bar you or belittle you for being you. You are above all that. Mother Nature is no fool to choose you and give you substantial responsibility of procreation.

What is it?

In general I was taking stock of life and I realized so much have happened, since my last birthday…..Life is all topsy-turvy. It’s just a span of a year. Yet way too many things have happened that I can recollect hardly few. Thanks to my poor memory!

This day that year, I was busy preparing for my CSE Main exam. Food, Study, Health – were my only priority. Eat-Study-Sleep-Repeat was my simple daily routine. I was so focused. I was busy chasing my long cherished dream. I was content with that life. In short my life was sorted, I thought.

Exams came and went. Honestly, I was contemplating two outcomes of it – one, that I clear Main and focus on interview and two, I take a break and get back to my profession to allow myself to take things from different perspective. Everything was set. My preparations for the former were full throttle.

New Year came and shit happened. I failed to clear the CSE Main Exam. Though I anticipated it as one of the outcome, clearly I was not well prepared to take this failure. Success and failure are part and parcel of our lives. However, it is very sad and extremely painful to watch your dreams crushing. Even today I don’t know why this happened, why it had to happen that way and what course my life will take there on.  Yet I decided to celebrate my failure. I went out for dinner with my lovely sisters. We had night rides. It was amazing. I thought that this reverse-psychology might help me come out of my failure. But it did not.

I was not out of it. It was just an exam yet I could not get over it. It may be thus because I had given it all, all that was humanly possible for me. And so I was expecting things to happen the way I want them to. But life is not about this. It is way too unpredictable and beyond my comprehension at times. All you can do is try your best you can never control the outcome of any of your actions. That’s the way life is. It was one of the worst phases I have ever had.

Then I had too many nightmares in during that period. I dreamt of someone killing me, me getting run over by some heavy vehicles, profusely bleeding and bruised. Indeed I was depressed. I even thought of getting some psychological help for that.

Around that same time I guess, I accidentally saw my neighbor burning himself down. He had committed suicide out of depression. That incident too left deep impact on me. You cannot just take your own life like that. Suicide is no option. Life is the best gift you can ever get. It is precious and you just get it once. You got to make the best out of it. Though negatively, this incident inspired me to take a different look at my own life.

I am living a very privileged life. I have home to live in. I have parents who always support and encourage in whatever I do. I have loving family. I have been given education. Every damn possible thing has been done for me to make me independent. Yet, at times I feel depressed and get easily frustrated.

This life however, never fails to surprise me. Just when I thought I will be just another jobless, unemployed youth of this country, I got a job. It was indeed a new start for me. Everything was new to me, people, work, environment…. I thought I could never blend in this one and fail here as well. I was very skeptical and mostly importantly cynical. Here again life surprised me. I met a good lot of people. Each day I get to learn too many new things. I have done so many things I never ever thought of doing.

In this journey of one year, I got an opportunity to meet so many people. Life has taught me one very important lesson. You think you know a person, you bank on them and they are one to leave you first when you are in deep shit. People talk all good on media or even on face. But never trust words, trust actions. There is this famous song “Sukh ke sab saathi, dukh me na koi”…..However, life has also made me realise who are my people. These are the one with whom I may not have daily contact, but they are the one who will do every damn thing possible if I ask them to do so. They have this faith and trust in me and I wonder why. They have been there with me and for me ever since I was nothing at all. I guess it is my sheer good luck to have these heads in my life. So the crux is life will bring you bad as well as good. Just have little patience.

As of, I don’t clearly know what I want from my life. I am clueless where it is heading. I also don’t know what my dreams are or whether I should have one. Yet one thing is for sure, as long as I have life, I know I have an opportunity and thus I have a hope and belief. Till then I’ll try to make best out of what life serves me on my platter. It’s better to be undernourished than starve to death!