So I was looking forward to April
to be full of life and surprises (pleasant of course!). Nothing was going right, not even my writings. To my bad, it turns out that April is not my
month. So far it has been full of disappointments & mental upheaval.
Last week, I finally gathered the entire
world’s courage and expressed feelings I had for this guy to him. And
guess what, I had to face outright rejection – rejection from the guy I loved
the most. That heartbreak was the worst I ever had. I was so broken I called my
friends up. To my disappointment, none of them pick my call. This is no new
experience - when you need “your” people the most they are “unavailable”. I felt
miserable, lonely & worthless. With great difficulty, I decided to keep this emotional turmoil aside
and move on.
Next day I committed another ‘mistake’.
I am very vocal and interested in deliberations where ideas are discussed. Yes
I agree, at times, these deliberations take form of debates and not everyone
like it. Thing is, I have little tolerance towards “mental mediocrity” and also
towards those who “talk without any thought behind such thought”.
It so
happened that I was discussing on “Indian society, current political
discourse, role of media and what we as citizens can do etc.” with a friend of
mine. Am seriously clueless what went wrong, but now we are “not allowed” to
talk on the subject. It is a kind of ban that we are facing! I wonder what was offensive in such discussions - topic, orators or the information? It is
difficult for me to live without expressing – feels like my brain may burst with ideas
if I don’t discuss it. Besides, it is painful to watch people believe in “myths”
as a “truth” in post-truth era. I feel helpless! Why?
I thought I was doing (read recovering)
well after that heartbreak & muzzling of “voice & free speech”, when I,
as a citizen, faced another set-back. This time in public life – and trust me
it was worst of them all for me.
So the General Elections are
going on. It is beauty of democracy that we get “to choose” our
representatives. I expected at least in my city – Pune (one of the fastest
growing city, “Oxford of the East” etc. etc.) people will come out to vote enthusiastically.
To everyone’s disappointment, little over 50% voters bothered to cast their
vote. I could not take this one well and went nuts. This one was the most
painful disappointment.
It hurts to see so much of apathy
on our part. I really fail to understand why people cannot step out to vote. What
holds them back? What makes them “hope” less? Why do they fail to understand
that every vote matters? Why procrastinate? Why not to participate &
contribute our bit in nation-building?
From my personal experience I can
say this thing upfront that right “to choose” is a “privilege”. Rejection is
just another part of the story. This applies to public sphere as well. If we
fail to choose, we miss out on chance to our own credibility. It is our own
undoing…
April for sure is a month of
losers. So who is the loser? Me? That guy who said no to me? Person who banned
free speech? Citizen who went out to vote? Citizen who “chose” not to vote? System
or Democracy? Who?
Only thought that gives me respite is that no
matter how my personal life sucks am not the only loser! Peace
